booksnchocolate

 Sweet baby Jesus, who knew moving to a new country, job-hunting, flat-hunting and dealing with jetlag could be SO DRAINING ;ALSKDFJA;SLDKFJA;LS Is there even a human underneath all of this exhaustion? Who knows. 

Anyway, arrived in the UK on Jan. 11th. It's now the 16th, so in five days, I've had a job interview (it went really well - i am a DELIGHT, OKAY - but I may not get it because a more technically qualified candidate interviewed right after me); the boo and I have visited a ton of flats looking for a place to rent (we have our eye on two, and with luck will have something by the end of next week???? PRAYING); I'm applying to jobs as rigorously as my currently-mush brain will allow (I feel like I am floating off in space, honestly. I really don't feel grounded at all and it's hard for me to think/concentrate on things); and I'm meeting friends in London this coming weekend. SO MANY THINGS SO LITTLE TIME. 

Good things, don't get me wrong. Just. Lots of things. I can't remember the last time I got proper sleep. Definitely not right before I left. Maybe late December? Hhhhhhh. 

 So I participated in the TMR Tumblr Secret Santa this year (reveals aren't out yet but the collection of fic is HERE and the Tumblr page with the gifs and links to vids, etc., is HERE), and someone just left THE MOST AMAZING comment on my fic and I am FLOORED and FULL OF EMOTIONS. 

Okay, I also really need to do a state of the nation update because HOO BOY this year is a ROLLERCOASTER and it's barely started. Case in point, I'm currently surrounded by biles of clothes, suitcases and ephemera collected over the years as I prepare to MOVE TO FUCKING ENGLAND in THREE FUCKING DAYS WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!?!?!?

First things first (I really nearly wrote fist things first which, like, sure, if you're into it), though, the comment. So, I'm not a prolific writer and stuff that I do write tends to be, you know, painfully average because I very rarely get actual other humans to look things over before posting. I was also SUPER nervous about this SS assignment, not because I didn't like the prompts or anything but because I was assigned someone whom I hold in very high regard and who is an exceptionally talented writer as well as a friend, and I wanted my fic to be good, ya know? So I basically had a wholeass meltdown two days before the damn thing was due, and banged it out in like a few hours and then freaked out for the whole weekend about the reception it was gonna get. 

BUT THEN someone (not the giftee) left me probably the most in-depth comment I've ever gotten on a fic and now I am f l o a t i n g. They mentioned my characterization and the atmosphere and the humour I tried to inject and holy wow, I'm just so floored by it. I'm saving it in my inbox so I can scream about it properly after the reveals on the weekend. I'm really humbled that someone took the time to write such a nice thing about my writing! 

Topic 2: The Move

So this blog, currently, is followed by I believe, like, two people (hi guys!!). Anyway, a catch up on the last.... thirteen years of blogging and fandom: flailing gay disaster has MANY FEELINGS, currently lives in Toronto and is making the move to England to go live with her partner whomst she met through Tumblr and if that isn't a milennial story, idk what is. Anyway. I'm about to leave my city for a long time and I have lots of feelings about it, which I have no time to unpack because I am currently running around like a headless chicken trying to cram all my belongings into two suitcases and a backpack. 

It's a lot. 

Y'know how rappers always write about ~their cities and like where they're from and stuff? Maybe it's just osmosis from listening to more rap lately and because Daveed Diggs literally does not shut up about Oakland, but I do feel that, kind of, in my own way about Toronto. This is where I grew up, this is what home has been for nearly 30 years, and now I'm leaving for longer than I've ever been away, and while I'm excited, I'm also sad and scared. I'm gonna miss the feel and the vibe of this city, and I'm gonna miss the tall buildings and the gross public transit air and the crunch of snow on asphalt and the clear blue sky and the way downtown lights up at night, a constellation of electric stars. 

And I'm going to miss dance; the way moving to music makes my soul feel like it's coming home. I'm going to miss Ally's choreography and the energy and presence in the studio. 

And I'm going to miss my family and I'm going to miss my friends. I live with some of my best friends currently, and we're basically a family. We laugh and hang out and get annoyed about chores and just... exist in this home and it's full of love. I'm going to miss the community and these people who are such an important part of my life. My brain tries to tell me that they'll forget about me when I'm not here, but I know that's not true. I know that they love me, too. And I'm gonna miss them so much.